Friday, November 20, 2009

What I long for

Would I entrust my most precious thing in the world to my God? Do I? Do I entrust myself to that same God? Do I trust and rest in His wisdom? In His creative beauty and complete faithfulness? How do I trust God with the care of my sweetheart, what am I doing? How do I trust Him in my life? Am I listening? What next? Always what next? I've been trying to focus on three things outside of these questions lately: prayer, memorizing scripture, and listening to God and following His pull on my spirit through His own Holy Spirit in me. I really want to just talk through and think about how I've been doing with all these questions above and what l have been told by God to focus on, so I hope you stop too, and think, and listen.

It's weird to think about whether or not I would entrust something to my Lord or not, because I have always known that God has power over everything, and I have always assumed that I and everything else were under His direct path or plan, which I still believe. But now I've come to discover that there is influence in what we decide, yes He knows what we will choose but WE still are the ones who choose it, and I believe we have some considerable say in the authorities and who we choose to serve everyday. So would I trust the most precious thing in this world to Him? Completely choose His path in that, and let Him completely have say in everything, knowing and trusting that everything will be taken care of? I know I do even know, but it scares me. It's not the unknown that scares me about it alone, it's the hardship, awkwardness, trials that follow, both in trusting something precious to Him and myself. This now falls into listening to the gentle nudges God endlessly calls upon me. And a lot of the time I am ashamed to say I have not listened and obeyed to what He has asked me to do. And the reason is fear, but in what? Every single time I've ever done something under His calling the result has been magnificent and infinitely rewarding to not just me, but more importantly someone else who needed it too. So why step back? Why even hesitate? I think I've found my answer, it is my pride. But I do not know how to over come it other than by the simple means of time in and time out doing the one thing I don't want to do. Now my only problem is this, beating it when the time comes, and realizing this opportunity and taking it for my Lord. So if you ever are bored, or feeling the fear and draw like I do, please text, call, or leave a message either in encouragement or distress; because I think I need you. Your testimony and your need are what will overcome my pride, for by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony they will overcome :) I just need to be reminded of things, and remember when the time comes, that the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. So do I trust Him, yes, and I'm working on it little by little, and I will rise, under Him, because I am listening now.

As for what's next and memorizing and prayer the three are all entangled with what I just spoke. Every time I've come to the Lord with that question, He hounds me about memorizing scripture and praying every chance I get. I hear His voice in my thoughts and I know it to be true. And He has given me such wonderful tools for all of them. My love constantly reminds me to pray, and I'm so grateful, my mentor is most serious about always finding time to simply STOP and listen to God and hear what He has to say, and I have in my pocket right now a topographical memory card that holds multiple pre-made scripture cards in a protective sleeve.

My God has made me ready, now I just have to prepare for what I know He'll lead me to become

Today will be a great day,
In Christ,


  1. Once again I am amazed at the depth of your longing, sensitivity to the call of the Spirit, your goals, your honesty. You are a rebuke in the most blessed and best sense of the word. Thanks for your insights and words this day.

    And of course as always,may blessings be multiplied on your dear head.

  2. Goodness...your amazing, and encouraging...
    Thank you my love.